It Will Change Everything
by StatsGrandma57
Summary: Luke contemplates Ben Solo's fate. Oneshot


IT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING

Luke Skywalker lay in bed, his head resting on his hands folded behind his head. He hadn't slept well the last few nights. Meditation, cleansing breaths, even a glass of wine had failed to relax him. His wife, Eimear, had massaged his back, neck, and shoulders the night before, to no avail.

Even joining the Force together with Eimear and their daughter Rey, trying to bring the calm of the Force upon him failed him utterly.

His thoughts continued to be pulled to his nephew, Ben, which was disturbing enough by itself. But even more so was a conversation that had taken place the day prior with a med droid from Coruscant, who was treating Ben.

It was obvious from an early age that Ben was going to be a challenging child; he was moody and unpredictable, and he seemed to feel things far more deeply than most kids. His Force sensitivity was strong, and Luke believed that proper training, begun in early childhood, would both calm him and make him into a formidable Jedi. Han and Leia had refused; they were good, loving parents and didn't want their child taken away for training at such a young age, even though Luke continued to suggest it as Ben grew. However, by the time Ben was thirteen and out of control, Han and Leia agreed to allow their son to attend the Academy.

Their decision had been a mistake, Luke was sure of it, yet he still sensed that Han and Leia would not have done things differently. And he knew that if he'd pushed harder, he'd have completely alienated his sister and brother-in-law, something he wasn't willing to risk.

Luke had always been mystified by Leia's unwillingness to be trained in the ways of the Jedi. She had the heart of a warrior-hells, she'd been a warrior, one of the fiercest he'd ever known. She now fought with words instead of weapons, but she'd lost none of her ferocity.

Yet, when it came to use of the Force, Luke sensed fear from her. Even if Darth Vader had died as Anakin Skywalker, Leia never felt the good in their father, and had never forgiven him. Luke doubted she ever would. Forgiveness was not something easily obtained from Leia; her enemies knew this well.

Eimear stirred, her long, dark hair flowing about in a tangled mess. "Are you awake already?" she mumbled groggily.

"I'm sorry," Luke apologized. "I was trying not to disturb you."

Eimear raised herself on one elbow. "You need to stop blaming yourself for Ben."

"I wish I was blaming myself. At the moment, I'm blaming Han and Leia. And not feeling too good

about it," Luke sighed unhappily.

"You can't blame them," Eimear said gently. "Ben is their responsibility. They're good parents, and they did what they felt was best for their child. Do I agree with their decision? No. But that doesn't mean it was the wrong one. And it doesn't make Han and Leia bad parents."

"It's not even that," Luke admitted. "It's Ben, somehow communicating with my father." Sadly, Luke was not surprised by this.

"Your father died as Anakin Skywalker," Eimear pointed out.

"But that's not the part of him Ben's hearing," Luke answered, as he pulled himself up and out of bed. "I had a comm from his medic; Ben's hearing Darth Vader," Luke sighed. "You were putting Rey to bed when it came through. This droid's been around a long time, and he worked among the Jedi back when. He's suggesting permanent Force blocking."

Eimear, a contemplative woman, rolled that around in her head for a few moments. Luke didn't rush her; she thought things through, and he, being naturally impatient, had needed to learn to wait for her to speak.

"That's pretty drastic," she said at last, sitting up in bed, tossing her dark hair over her shoulder. "What was his reasoning?"

"Ben has what's called bipolar disorder. I've heard of it, in a distant sense, but I don't know very much about it," Luke admitted.

"I don't, either, but studying up on it might be a thought." There was a tinge of sarcasm in Eimear's voice, but she smiled. Luke liked that she had a sharp tongue; it wasn't as abrasive as Leia's could be, but she could put a point on things. She was also a good foil for him when he was overly earnest.

Their daughter, Rey, who rarely burst into her parents' room, did so at that moment. "What's wrong with Ben?" she demanded. "I've got a bad feeling about him and it's making me crazy!" Her expression was frantic and frightened.

Luke walked over to her and hugged her closely. "That's what we're trying to figure out, sweetie." Luke didn't want to share his own visions with his sensitive daughter, which had been frightening, to say the least. Visions of his nephew falling to the Dark Side, of becoming someone he wasn't...he wasn't up for sharing that. Rey was only eight, and she was strong in the Force, but as Han and Leia had pointed out, she was still a little girl. Right now, Luke took that counsel to heart. "Try not to worry about it."

"I suppose you're gonna tell me to meditate," Rey said crossly.

Eimear laughed. "Rey, darling, I know better than to tell you to do that. Go work on your lightsaber instead."

Luke sat back down on the bed as their daughter raced from the room. Rey was more like Luke; she leaned towards impatience and liked action, while Eimear was the philosopher of their family. Luke was working on patience with his daughter, just was he was working on it himself. It was a common struggle with a number of their students.

"Leia feared the Force for the longest time. Sometimes I wonder if she still does. Finding out who her biological father was didn't sit well with her. I don't think she'll ever forgive him."

Eimear wasn't given to temper, but a shadow passed over her face. "That has nothing to do with it," she said severely. "Work the problem, Luke." She left the bed and headed for the fresher.

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There were no classes scheduled for that day; it was free time for the students. Two of the teenaged children, Glau and Vek, were in charge of amusing the younger ones, which included Rey. Their main job was to make sure that no one died. Their instructions were clear: anything short of bleeding, vomiting, or asphyxiation were not considered emergencies. It allowed everyone to engage in the more playful aspects of the Force and to just play, like non-Force sensitive kids.

Since Rey was engaged with her fellow students, goofing off and being eight, Luke and Eimear had no pressing responsibilities. After a breakfast that was tasty but quick, they headed for their study, to 'work the problem.' Eimear had had experience as a field medic during the Galactic Civil War; many said she had a healing touch. While Luke focused on the Jedi literature, his wife studied the medical information.

"There're two reports of depression being cured by the Force," Luke informed Eimear.

"I think what Ben has is a lot more serious and difficult to treat. At least that's what the Force is telling me," Eimear answered, not looking up. "Of course, what we really need to do is talk to Leia and Han."

"I know Seven-Three-H said it was bipolar disorder, which is much more complicated," Luke sighed. "He suggested Force-blocking," he turned away from his datapad, his eyes half closed in thought. "I don't think that's the answer."

"There are three successful cases that were treated that way in the medical literature. The subjects went on to have relatively normal lives," Eimear countered.

"But what if we could heal him via the Force?" Luke insisted.

Eimear looked up and set her datapad down. "Luke, is this about Ben, or about you?" Her tone had a sharp edge.

Luke's eyes popped open. "What are you talking about?"

Eimear looked directly at him; eye contact was never a problem for her. "Luke, sweetheart," she said tenderly, "I know you feel that you've failed Ben. Don't tell me otherwise, because I know you."

Luke gave her a wry smile. "Yeah, you do. I can't help but feel that I did fail. Don't you feel that way?"

"No," Eimear said quietly. "I don't think I failed him, and I know you didn't. You worked very hard with him. But he has other problems. And we may not be able to solve them with the Force."

"Yoda said if you can feel the Force, you can learn to control it."

"No." Eimear's expression grew severe. "Not in every case. You do recall what happened to your own father."

"My father died as Anakin Skywalker. There was good in him." Luke jumped up and began to prowl restlessly. How many times did he have to defend his father?

"And you're the one reading the Jedi literature." Elmear's face was a study in frustration. "He was not to be trained, if you recall. The Jedi Council rejected him."

"But Ben Kenobi saw his potential. Admittedly," Luke winced, "it didn't turn out too well for the longest time. But he only went to the Dark Side because he felt it would save his loved ones."

"But he did fall to the Dark Side, and what if Ben finds that path easier than trying to find the light?" Eimear demanded, watching Luke pace about the room. "I've seen it. You have, too."

"I'll concede it's a possibility," Luke admitted. "If Leia and Han had started his training earlier-"

"Luke," Eimear's voice became severe. "Han and Leia have the right to bring up their children as they see fit, Force sensitive or not. Ben has always had problems. We had problems with him here at the Academy. The other students are doing much better without him here. Would training him sooner have changed things? We don't know. And it's time you stopped blaming your sister for her resistance to being trained. She has the right to live her life as she sees fit."

"I don't blame her!" Luke balked.

"Yes, you do, and you know it. Is it any wonder you and she haven't been on great terms? I know

you want the best for Ben, but so do they. And you think she won't be trained because she fears the Force."

"She does fear it," Luke said quietly, dropping back into his seat.

"And so what if she does? She lives a productive, satisfying life, and she's done more to create the GFFA than any hundred beings. She's chosen her path. It's the right one for her."

"There are so few of us!" Luke protested.

"Quality matters more than quantity," Eimear stubbornly argued. "If any one of our students came to us today and asked to go home, to train no more, what would you say?"

"I'd encourage them to stay; they can find peace when they work hard enough," Luke answered stubbornly.

"I'd say that as well. But I'd also let them-and their parents-make the decision. They can train when they're older, even if it is harder. Which I know, since you didn't train me till I was twenty. But it was my choice. These are kids. And the ones we have love the training, at least most of the time. But they're still kids, and they get homesick, and they squabble, and they can be petty. Ben did not love training, and he doesn't know the story of your father. Maybe you should share that with him. And just because he died good doesn't mean his reprehensible actions are forgivable."

"I forgive him," Luke said softly.

Eimear shook her head. "Luke, one of the things I cherish about you is how good-natured and kind you can be. But I think you need to extend less of that to your father-and a lot more to your sister. And think about Ben as a kid, not a Jedi. He's a walking disaster."

"I won't argue with you there," Luke told her.

"Good, because you'd lose. We can try a Force-healing, but that would only be with Han, Leia and Ben's consent. Mental illness and the Force don't mix well. It's too volatile. And, furthermore, he can't come back here to be trained. He's too disruptive. The other kids dislike him and fear him."

Luke was well aware that those things were very true.

"Go and meditate on it for a while," Eimear advised. "I'll keep reading."

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Luke never knew of the existence of his father's meditation chambers, which were soundproof and dark, but it was clear that Luke favored the light. This was a good thing, since one of the few

places he had for meditating indoors was in his and Eimear's bedroom. It wasn't an especially large room, but it had enough room for a thickly padded reclining chair. When he sat in it he could feel the sunlight and hear the trainees laughing out in the field. He had discovered when Rey was born that holding her in that chair brought him more peace than he'd ever known. When he needed to clear his mind, he'd think back to cuddling his newborn daughter in that chair, and he would feel a calm beyond anything he'd ever experienced. Imagining her soft, warm, tiny body asleep in his arms cleared his mind.

Luke felt a warm glow suffuse through him, but it didn't last long; he found himself feeling chill, the light he'd experienced when he'd closed his eyes becoming cold, with swirls of dark fog wending its way through his consciousness. He never welcomed this sensation, but training had taught him to tolerate the discomfort. The soft, warm air and sunlight of the day around him might as well have been in another galaxy.

It was like flying blind into Dagobah.

Again, he found himself led to the cave. He remembered asking Yoda what was in there. Yoda's chilling response had been, 'only what you take with you.'

What was he taking with him this time?

The vision was vague, a swirling mass of black, and an odd but familiar voice. Luke couldn't make out the words, but there was an odd tone to them, something familiar in the speech pattern.

Was it his nephew?

Then, a thin beam of light, barely distinguishable in the gloom, dimly lit the cave. However, the voice he heard was clear.

"Not all who can be, should be." It was the voice of the very man Ben had been named for-and who had led Luke to become a Jedi. "Believe me, no one knows that better than I."

"Ben? Ben!" Luke called out. But the light was already fading, before it disappeared as quickly as it had come upon him.

Luke sat back and took several deep breaths. The dark fog began to lift, but he felt drained and exhausted and not a little depressed.

Ben Solo had so much potential. And now the most obvious choice seemed to be to take that away from him. How would he react? Luke shuddered. Most likely it would feel as if he were going to be blind or deaf.

Naturally, the final choice had to be Ben's. They would need his permission—and his

cooperation—in order to do the permanent Force-block. Luke was worried that he wouldn't necessarily be wise in that regard. Leia and Han, however, he thought wryly, would have no qualms about it. He suspected they'd pressure their son regarding it, which Luke felt was a mistake; there had to be a middle ground somewhere. At least Han would. Han's skepticism about the Force remained alive and well, despite being surrounded by Force-sensitives.

Luke would also feel the loss; Ben was related by blood and the Force was a strong bond between them. A small part of him would die inside. His nephew would never be a Jedi, never be trained in the goodness of the Force. But it was obvious that Ben was also a candidate for falling to the Dark Side-and coupled with his mood disorder, he could be dangerous. The implications could be far reaching.

He centered himself for a few moments, returning to the world around him. Once again he heard the raucous laughter of the students playing, and he could pick out Rey's among it. It was rich and mirthful and taunting, much like that of her mother's.

Reluctantly, he headed back to the study, where Eimear was stacking her datapads away.

"You look a bit pale," she commented.

"What I saw wasn't pleasant," he told her, taking her in his arms as she rose from her seat.

Eimear looked into his eyes, which was easy; they were the same height.

"We have to let him go," she said softly.

Luke simply nodded, leaning into her shoulder, his arms wrapped about her back, her hand stroking his blonde hair, which now bore a few streaks of grey.

"Luke, would it have made any difference in how much you loved Rey if she hadn't been born a Force-sensitive child?"

"No," he said truthfully. It was unthinkable to imagine not feeling how he did about his beloved daughter.

"Well, there's a possibility you might have one," Eimear told him, smiling.

"I suppose anything's possible," Luke admitted.

"More possible than you might think. I'm pregnant."

"What? Are you serious?" Luke asked. "I...I couldn't tell," he stumbled.

"That's because we're going to have a non Force-sensitive baby," Eimear told him, her face glowing.

Luke had expected to feel devastated; instead, he realized that in the scope of things, it didn't matter.

"It's a boy," Eimear said. "And I just want him to be healthy and happy."

"That's what matters, isn't it?" Luke said, not being able to keep from joining her in her excitement. That his son would not be Force-sensitive made no difference to him. Eimear was right, all that mattered was that their boy was happy and healthy. "But it will change everything."

"Didn't Yoda say, always in motion, always the future is?" Eimear responded. "And it's possible Ben could have a better future, one where he could experience happiness." Sorry, I just checked… the quote is "Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future."

"I know. But now we have to do the hard part," Luke said, wincing.

Eimear frowned. "Which is?"

"Telling Rey she's going to have a new brother. She's kind of used to being the center of our universe."

Eimear rolled her eyes. "Yes. For her, that definitely will change everything. You go first."


End file.
